Emotional MixUp
by Suffering Angel
Summary: It's oh so easy when you know what you want. What happens, though, when you realize you've changed your mind? Kairi's about to learn the answer to that, the hard way.
1. Chapter 1

Kingdom Hearts is property of Disney and Square Enix.

**_Emotional Mix-Up_**

_Prologue_

It wasn't that she had a hard time making up her mind. From her earliest memory, she knew what she wanted. She wanted to be happy and she wanted to be free, and she wanted to always and forever be with the boy she saw first when she opened her eyes all those years ago, washed up on the shore without a memory of her home. She stayed close to him, and when he went away, she chased him, with waiting being a self inflicted punishment she ended up not serving. She thought of him, dreamed of him, longed for him, wished for him, and eventually he came home, finally, at long last. The boy she loved and that promised to see her again finally came back to be with her, and there was nothing more she ever could've wished for – or so she thought.

Kairi always knew what she wanted. However, while for over a decade it remained the same single wish, no one ever said Kairi wasn't allowed to change her mind.

It was a gradual yet rapid change. Being apart for so long, going through such different experiences after a life-time together, changing in such unsimilar manners and extreme ways that she could no longer tell if it wasn't that just one of them changed while the other didn't – and then, not knowing which changed how… which one was to blame… it was a painful yet inevitable conclusion Kairi reached after only so long she got to spend with the boy who was effectively her reason for living up to that point – Sora was not the boy Kairi fell in love with any more after all.

He wasn't the only one Kairi knew that changed, however, and much like with Sora, his change was impossible not to notice. The slight lack of arrogance in his step; that odd softness in his voice as he spoke, so unlike his bravado from two years ago; the gentle sadness that painted both his eyes and smile whenever he looked at his childhood friends and the world he grew up in, as though gladly accepting the weight on his shoulders. The person who casted away everything before it could push him away first, only to reach for it desperately once it was gone, just out of his reach. That lost, confused, naïve boy she always managed somehow not to get a proper look at… but now did.

It could've been simply that she was lonely; she had lived her whole life loving someone, after all, and giving that up was no easy feat. It could've been she felt his own self condemnation, his self-brought isolation, and knew that it would take more than a kind word and a fond smile and a squeeze of one's own cheeks to make him see he was undeserving of it. It could've simply been that she wanted to stop aching over his saddest of smiles, wanted her own heart to stop breaking – even If it meant patching up his own in the process.

How exhilarated, elated even she was when she finally reached her arms out to him, pulled him close against herself and refused to let go. How overjoyed she was then when she called out his name, told him it would be alright, that he wasn't alone anymore; that she'd be there for him – never leave him. That even when the whole entirety of the worlds wouldn't – she'd go on, and she'd love him.

There was nothing Kairi could've wished for more when he held her back, stayed close, and thanked her. She needn't hear him say it back; he was, after all, crying for her. What more could she have asked for… aside from losing that last tiny bit of regret.

It had been several months since. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that being with Riku had made Kairi the happiest she had ever been. He cared for her, laughed with her, smiled at her, and was gentle during those bashful, awkward moments he reached to caress her in. She on her part was honest with him, let herself be weak next to him, vulnerable around him – and he never betrayed her, not even once. He had truly changed that much.

Or was the one that changed – she herself? After all, back in the day, she only had eyes for one person… Oh. How she missed those days…

Kairi never once had a hard time making up her mind. Even if she changed it, she always knew what she wanted at any given time. She just never wanted two different things at the same time before.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Disney and Squenix do.

_**Emotional Mix-Up**_

_Chapter_

It was another morning, supposed to be as uneventful as the rest of them. If only it was so, Kairi thought to herself with a growl as she pushed herself up to sit on her bed and stared blankly ahead. How many nights has it been since she started having the dream, she wondered idly as she turned to look at her nightstand. There stood a decorated picture frame, showing the girl sporting a wide smile as she was held by her boyfriend. She reached for an item next to it instead, being a star shaped amulet made up of seashells and designed to look like someone not in the picture.

"Another dream of you…" She whispered as she reached to run a finger over the tiny drawn face, yet managed instead to bury the thing in the drawer. The one whose face she ended up caressing was the boy in the picture, and she offered him an apologetic look.

"…But not of you." She whispered sadly and pushed herself up to get ready for the day ahead. It was hardly one she was particularly looking forward to, mind, a fact which was rather ironic, all things considered. Most girls were actually looking forward to it, even if it was a day before Valentine's Day.

–

"-And it was sooo cute!" The brunette girl chirped that day as she walked by her redheaded friend. "She got this huge eyed teddy with a heart on it and you're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?" She accused, making Kairi stop and blink – not because of her friend's words, but because she realized she was walking alone – the other had stopped several steps before. Smiling apologetically, Kairi turned to face her.

"I'm sorry, Selphie… do you mind… repeating that last bit?"

"I do. Very much so." Came the somewhat annoyed reply, yet the angry demeanor melted away into an odd mixture of concern and amusement. "Not that it matters. There's no reaching you on a good day when you're thinking about _him_ and today isn't a good day because of tomorrow. So – no hard feelings." Selphie reassured before turning to wave at the group consisting of four boys waiting by the school gates, ready to leave school grounds. Each and every one was a friend to her since childhood, yet Kairi couldn't, for the life of her, look up at them. Both her past and current crushes were there, after all. Said present crush was smiling and seemed eager to finally get some time to spend with his girlfriend; said past crush kept looking away.

"Hey, hey! Did you guys wait long?" Selphie asked cheerfully, but Kairi paid little attention to the rest of the verbal exchange. Selphie, Tidus and Wakka were as lively as ever and Kairi found herself smiling for a moment at the incoherent noise before letting herself glance at Sora. The boy looked back and for a long moment their eyes met, but it wasn't long lived as soon enough he looked away again. The reason for that turned out to be an arm wrapped around her shoulders which made her look up to find a beaming smile offered down to her. She managed to smile back, but evidently not soon enough as concern filled his cyan colored eyes. Small wonder, she knew, as he noticed much more subtle changes in her mood before. She gave him quite a bit to go on this time, and was actually surprised he kept up a charade in front of their friends. They would no doubt get their alone time later… was he going to question her then, when she wouldn't have anyone else to hide behind, she wondered. It could've been worse though, a part of her knew – the rest of them could've picked up on it, Sora specifically. As it was, however, she was allowed to try and enjoy a day out in town with her friends. If only it was that easy, though, she thought later when she was finally alone, sitting on the bent-over Paopu tree she knew since childhood. Riku was already on his way over, having tied the boat to the small dock. She smiled as she watched him approach yet could only do so for so long before she risked eye contact. She kept her eyes set straight ahead even after he emerged from the wooden door behind her and she budged not in the least even as she heard him cross the hanging bridge. Finally he reached her, his arms wrapping around her waists from behind as he buried his face in her back. He had done so before and she didn't dislike it, quite the opposite, even if she realized then it was beyond mere playfulness – he was offering her the comfort of contact without the burden of facing each other. She could continue staring ahead as he inhaled her scent, the both of them somewhat content until the girl gathered her thoughts enough to tell him what was on her mind.

Sadly, it only made matters worse for her. The girl reached to hug herself as she curled up, head bowed down in shame. She felt his arms around her, a warm, strong presence and a shiver ran down her back. She was the worst, wasn't she? To be together with such a considerate, affectionate, gentle… _perfect_ guy in such a perfect place and be unable to dream about him…

"I don't deserve you." Kairi whispered as the waves crashed against the shore, only to withdraw immediately afterward. Her hands on the other hand kept holding onto his arms to the point her fingernails left pale white marks over his skin. He in return remained silent for a long moment and tightened his hold over her, much to her surprise she realized she shouldn't have felt. He wasn't one to pull away over something like that, after all.

"This again, huh…" He hummed idly, voice laced with bitter amusement. "Been a while since the last time." And if he ever wanted to shatter her, that was all that was needed; this wasn't the first time she felt she was betraying this person she cared so much for.

"Riku…" She began softly, eyes still set far away. "Am I really… that confused? Is my determination to make this work… so _weak_?" She pulled a bit away from him and was grateful when he let her. She turned to face him and had to push her hair away from her face. There he was, wasn't he? The person she's been with for so long now… she couldn't help but smile apologetically down at the concerned expression he was showing her. Her hand soon enough met his cheek and she had to blush when he tilted his head so as to press a kiss against her palm.

"Whenever I look at you, I know what I want. I'm so certain of it, not a speck of doubt in me…" Her second hand came to rest over his other cheek as well and she leaned forward over him, eyes closed. "But then I close my eyes, and it's like none of that matters. I keep seeing someone else, wanting him… longing for him…" She raised her hand to her chest, fist clenching over her Heart. "But why is it it feels like those feelings… aren't my own?"

Her eyes widened as she felt his hand reaching to take hold of her own and she had to look at him in confusion. Riku on his part had an odd mixture of sadness and bitterness paint his expression. The weirdest part about it was the knowing air he had about him, and the touch of apology that left Kairi all but lost.

"Then maybe… they aren't." He offered almost offhandedly and refused initially to look at her for a long moment. Once he finally did, his guilt stricken look made Kairi's heart ache. "Maybe they do belong to someone else. Someone… who's using your Heart to feel with."

"Naminé." Came the acknowledging mutter as Kairi looked away. "But… I thought…"

"That she's gone?" Riku asked softly and was rewarded with a tentative nod.

"Because, for a while, I… and Sora seems fine too!" She argued, only to hunch her shoulders a moment later at the distant look that crossed Riku's face. "…isn't he?"

Riku answered with a remotely amused chuckle. "So so, but his troubles are his own." What little amusement he had to offer ebbed away then.

"Roxas doesn't have all that much to hold onto anymore."

"But Naminé… has Sora…" Kairi continued and curled up further. Riku let her – for the time being.

"Those two… had a lot happen between them, and never got any sense of closure. It's not anything either of them could just forget about." Though it wasn't because Naminé didn't try - was something he chose not to add. "I guess it's natural to expect it to get worse around this time of the year." A day before Valentine's Day. Pausing for a moment, he pulled Kairi off the tree, only to catch her with ease before letting her land safely on the floor. "To be this close to the person you care for, without being able to be with them…" He caressed her cheek. She tilted her head into his touch. "I can only imagine what it'd be like." He pulled the girl into his arms then and held her tightly. The girl in return held on just as firmly, trying to draw comfort from the warmth seeping into her. They stayed so for a while, both almost too scared to let go least circumstances pulled them further apart.

"But… what can we do?" Kairi asked eventually, voice muffled against Riku's chest. "How can we hope to solve this?"

He knew the answer for a while, yet dreaded saying it. Now, at long last, it seemed he'd have to swallow both pride and jealousy for the sake of those he cared for the most – for all their sakes.

"It's up to you." Came his reply as he pulled a bit away, making the girl look up at him with confusion shining in her blue spheres.

"What… do you mean?" She asked carefully despite dreading the answer. Riku stalled for a long moment before tightening his hold around the girl's slim figure once more.

"All they want is to see each other… and it _is_ Valentine's. But… there's a person… in the way."

"Me." Kairi concluded as she looked up, only to find his eyes averted.

"…you."

Kairi's eyes lowered then to gaze almost unseeingly at his chest before she pressed her cheek to his shirt. How she relished the feel of that anxious rhythm against her skin… To think though that they were keeping two people near and dear from enjoying this sort of contact…

"I'm sorry." She uttered meekly as she clang to him. "I can't help but be selfish about that."

And he couldn't help but be relieved.

"But… can we really leave things as they are?" She asked with a touch of anxiety and knew not how she felt about his shaking his head.

"No." He replied softly, sadly. "You should know better than any one we can't."

Kairi nodded. Thinking it through again, she knew something had to be done. To not be able to reach someone so close… was perhaps worse than reaching out to someone very fat away. She knew how painful _that_ was, even through the blissful ignorance about Sora's existence for most of that year.

She couldn't even begin to imagine what Naminé was going through.

"I don't intend to step _down_." She declared without caring if that was even possible or not. "But… do you think it might help if I stepped _aside_ for a bit?"

It wasn't the best idea. It was far too risky, far too 'out there' for comfort. But… did they have any other choice at all? Even for the sake of that last bit of closure…

"…so long as it's just for a bit." Riku replied eventually and successfully managed to swallow most of his possessiveness from his voice. He released not in the slightest his hold, however. "And I get you back afterward."

It wasn't that he wouldn't have been happy to see Naminé… but things were better off this way, he knew – he hoped. As did Kairi, and this time when she closed her eyes there were no foreign images no wishes that belonged to someone else. Only a warm, genuine smile, and an incredible sense of gratitude.

"You will." She reassured and raised her head, giving him the opportunity to plant a kiss on her forehead.

"Then in that case… I think I can let him have the girl I love for one night." Riku concluded with a smile that turned a bit awkward soon enough. "I get to keep the girl he likes to myself all year long, after all."

He was rewarded with an amused, hesitant yet relieved giggle before cyan eyes met royal blue ones. And when next Riku leaned down to kiss his girlfriend, Kairi pushed herself up on the tips of her toes and let his lips meet something more interesting than her forehead.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Emotional Mix-Up**_

_Final Chapter  
_  
_"You'll be back soon, right?" He asked, worry lacing his voice.  
She on her part smiled lightly and watched the mess their intertwined fingers made. "I will."  
"Can you do me one last favor then, before you go?" He voiced another question and knew not how to take that tilt of her head, her smile so familiar yet so foreign at the same time.  
"...remind her that I love her."_

–

It was finally the following night. The big night, the dreadful night. It was Valentine's day, when all couples were up and about, other couples suddenly formed, and the single ones barricaded themselves at home. Oh, how Sora wished he could've stayed at home...

But he couldn't. Not when Riku called him over to the island and sounded rather urgent about it. So he set out, ducked through the hoards of couples, reached his boat and rowed towards the small island. He couldn't help but let out a happy sigh of relief as he finally reached the open air of the ocean, only to find it not as empty as he hoped. Thankfully it seemed like few bothered making it all the way to the island and so he soon reached his destination, only to realize he recognized one of the boats docked there. A surge of worry shot through him as a result. Weren't Riku and Kairi supposed to be out on their glorious Valentine's date? So then, what was Riku doing calling him out there where Kairi's boat was waiting? He looked around frantically, only to find a familiar figure standing by the bent over Paopu tree. She stood there on her lonesome, and the hood she never actually bothered using was for once pulled up over her head.  
With the mental image of the girl being in tears edging him on, Sora dashed forward, quickly climbing up the old stairs and loudly crossing the bridge. He came to a stop noisily yet just at the end of the bridge. Unable to ignore the worst case scenario that practically slapped him in the face, he stalled for a moment before attempting to approach even another step towards her.

Was that why Riku called him there, he had to wonder; because he couldn't comfort her on his own?

Oh, if only he knew just how right he was while also being oh so wrong.

"Kairi..." Sora attempted quietly, not quite certain what to say. It turned out, however, there was no pressing need to him to do so.

"You know..." the girl began, only to catch Sora by surprise. While the voice wasn't foreign, it wasn't quite Kairi's own voice, either.  
"It wasn't all that bad, their Valentine's date. It was as romantic as you can hope for one to be."

The usage of the word 'their' hardly went by Sora, but before he could be bothered to reply, she went on, hands reaching for her hood.

"Made me jealous, really... made me think... I'd like to go on one too."

The fabric fell over her shoulders to reveal hair not quite like what it was supposed to be, not by shape nor by color. Kairi, after all, didn't have wavy blonde hair that made Sora's heart skip a beat as it blew by gently in the evening breeze.

"How about you, Sora?" The girl asked softly as she pulled her hands to rest over her chest. "Will you..." It took her virtually everything and then a bit that didn't belong to her to even begin a sentence. Going on with the rest of it was almost unimaginable yet she did regardless, eventually turning around to face him. Her cheeks were flushed furiously up to her ears, and that alone was enough to get Sora's own painted even before she finished her question, which she properly did a moment later, at long last.

"Will you... be my Valentine's, Sora?"

She couldn't have caught him more off guard had she suddenly turned into a boy. This girl Sora dreamed of, longed for, wished for, hoped for... standing right there in front of him, so close, so reachable, waiting for him after having called his name... This Nobody made whole...

"Naminé..."

Oh... how he hated himself for wanting so badly to refuse. To turn away, to tell _her_ to go away...  
This was, after all, despite the bright hair and pale skin and slightly different voice - his best friend's girlfriend. How could he ever consider doing anything with her? _To_ her? But then again, if he couldn't, if he truly shouldn't...

Why did Riku call him there? Out there where Kairi... where _Naminé_ was, waiting for him?  
Why would his best friend call him on that day of all days to see what he shouldn't have, even if only through borrowing?

Too late did he realize he stalled for too long. With sadness tainting her smile, Naminé lowered her gaze slightly.  
"I'm sorry." She said softly, voice steady to a fault. "Showing up suddenly, asking this of you... I let myself be too selfish."

A gasp tore through Sora's lips as he stood there, unable to do anything but stare at her. Selfish? Truly, this was a selfish act. To show up after so long on that day of all days and seek him out, ask for what she did... what else could it be other than selfishness? What better reason for him to refuse but this? This selfishness that no doubt hurt his friends so...

Friends who went along with it, Sora realized reluctantly a moment later as he looked up at her and let the sight of her face sink in. Identical, the girls were, no way around it. And yet Kairi chose, on that very day, to step aside – for Naminé. On that day, Riku accepted what no doubt was the girl's own decision, and let his best friend have what was probably more important to Riku than anything else perhaps save for their friendship. For Sora to turn the girl down now, after all that... wouldn't that be the greatest selfishness yet?

A tiny snicker left his lips this time, catching the girl by surprise as he began rounding the tree.  
"There's nothing wrong with being selfish. Everyone is. I mean, it's not like we can help it, right?" The brunette concluded with an awkward smile and a shrug as he stopped on the girl's side of the tree, about two steps away from her. He lowered his gaze a moment later though with a contemplating look on his face.  
"And it's not like you can act on it whenever you want to, either. That's all you _can_ do – want."  
What either of them could do, really, yet it was obvious Naminé understood it well enough with that touch of guilt painting her expression. Her having anything she wanted had more dire effects than one could allow himself to think about, yet Sora knew better than to dwell on it, not when she looked so miserable about wanting something for herself.  
He bit onto his lower lip for a moment before tugging at his hair in frustration.

"Ah, aah... some best friend I turned out to be!"

Blue eyes blinked up at that expression, showing honest, utter confusion. Sora sighed softly in relief before letting a soft grin paint his smile. Not only was she listening to him again, she didn't seem so sad anymore – and for a reason.

"If I want to be selfless back and repay him... it means being selfish for tonight."

"Then!" Naminé began with obvious hope lacing her voice as she reached one hand to clench over her chest. Such a paradox it was, for her to let herself feel hope. Such irony was it that it escalated into something more profound when she had a hand offered for her to take.

"Then I don't have a choice. I'll be your Valentine's, if you'll be mine."

Quite a predicament it was, that situation, so much that when Naminé finally snapped out of her shock and reached to place her hand in his, her smile was wider than any of the ones Sora had ever seen, both in his real memories and in his made-up ones.

"Not a choice... right?"

What else could he do but return that grin?

"Right."

–

"About time you two..." Riku muttered from his spot on the opposite beach before finally giving up his role of a stalker when the two pulled closer against each other. He made his way to his boat and began rowing back to the mainland, all the while knowing better than to stop himself from staring up at the distant silhouettes. At least some of them deserved a happy ending. He just hoped he wouldn't be left out of the happily ever after, too.


End file.
